April Update

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To Be Blind

It was interesting…I came into the prayer room after having lunch and being in the office doing some Administrative work. I decided to pace for a bit and clear my head from everything. I usually pace a bit here and there and have my eyes fully closed, but frequently half open so I may see where I’m going; you know, make sure not to bump into that wall, chair, human being…that sort of thing.

I started pacing behind a row of chairs. No ones sitting in them. I graze my hand back and forth the top of the chairs that sit side by side like militant soldiers.

The worship is playing, the atmosphere is becoming more infused for me because I’m letting go every worry, every stress, every thought that isnt just about my God and His faithful beauty and love. I even laugh at a thought I have in silliness cause I know He delights in me and enjoys me.

pace….pace…pace…the palm of my hand cupping gently the tops of the chairs as I use them as my guide with my eyes have opened, half closed, then fully closed.

I begin to think of the blind. I close my eyes tightly and just use my hands to guide my pacing. My right hand cupping the tops of the chairs as they lead me forward, then I can feel the end of the last chair in the row. I grabbed it less gently now as I feel my body wanting to continue by pulling forward but I turn myself around. Now continues my left hand cupping and grazing the chair tops, leading me back and forth, back and forth.

My eyes are tightly closed and I feel the insecurities. I can feel the anticipation of when the end of the row will be. Trying to just pray in the Spirit, I continue but start feeling the doubt in my simple surrounding. I question my walking, my stepping forward, I question whether I will react quick enough to knowing when the end of the row has come. I stretch my arm out a little further, wanting to make sure my hand gets to the end before my body does.

I think of how difficult must it be to be blind. How about to have seen and then at an older age past your 20’s, 30’s loosing your sight. You’re not as trainable as a child. We’re stuck in our ways and systems and now all of that is gone. I began to pray for those who are physically blind…over and over I said to the Lord, “Give sight Lord to the physically blind…give sight to the physically blind…”

Then I felt the Holy Spirit just challenge me with a whispered question, “What if it benefits some of them to be blind. They aren’t tempted with their eye gate as much as one who has sight possibly…they perhaps trust and have greater perspective?”

I felt to stop asking and think about instead, spiritual blindness. “Is this like spiritual blindness Holy Spirit?”

I continued, back and forth, back and forth, eyes tightly shut. Thinking I had a rhythm going and then I miss the last chair in the row and almost topple over but gain back my composure and continue back and forth.

The shadows and light just a hazy sense of it blanketing my shut eye lids…different shades, intensities, brightness, darkness.

Now my back and forth is all I know. But I know the space I’m in, I know this room. I know that at the end of the row to my right there’s a wall going into the kitchen and at the other end is the sound booth. I know my space but would I be confident if I let go of this now familiar row and explore…Explore what I technically have access to due to a year of being in this one room?

I could feel the chairs. I could feel the end of the row. THAT I knew. THAT I was confident in…kind of…If I would let go, there would be nothing else I would be confident in, even though I have been in this room for a year now and could map it out in my head with my eyes closed.

To be blind…

It was an interesting thought as I paced back and forth with my eyes tightly closed this time.

Spiritual Blindness…how it hinders us from living. The doubts, the insecurities, the false perception of things, the lack of knowing our circumstance, surroundings. How we cant even see the joy of Someone smiling back at us. All is assumption…

that’s Food for thought…

Enlighten the eyes of our understanding Holy Spirit, shine the light of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ over our minds and spirits today! Amen, so be it!

I know the end of the story…

Medley’s from this morning’s Prayer Room:

“I know the end of the story, I’ll come up from wilderness leaning on my Beloved…”

“and all I want, is to be near You, with You, where You are…”

“…I am lovesick…”

I am sitting here and I will say honestly, these past two week were extremely difficult. It was that ebb and flow season taking effect and with an entire community feeling it, the heaviness was discouraging. I felt almost numb in the prayer room every day and just couldn’t get into the spirit of prayer or be moved by Him, which is insane you’d say, I know!

The end of last week the heaviness switched from personal discouragement to feeling what He feels and feeling the jealousy for the hearts of everyone around me.

Coming in Monday I was wondering what it was going to look like. The weekend was scattered and mainly a time of rest from migraines, fatigue, ect…

Sitting here I was writing in my journal asking Him to break in our hearts and take us to that place where our hearts, mind feel Him and want nothing else. He is so faithful.

Sitting here listening to first the Jon Thurlow set at 8am-10am then Tim Reihmerr set 10am-12pm my heart came alive and I stopped everything and sat, waiting on Him, soaking, singing over Him my love and waiting. After this past few weeks of difficulty and discouragement I knew again with all confidence… there is no where else I want to be and nothing else I would rather be doing. I miss Jesus every moment I dont feel Him near (He’s always there, I’m the one who isn’t always there with Him, I walked off to roam)  This feeling of being drenched in His love, feeling completely enveloped, strengthened, and driven in Him…Wanting to live pursuing Him and these intimate encounters with Him.

I was telling Him this morning that when I finally see Him face to face, I want to look at Him and know and feel that I KNOW Him, truly know Him… not just be in awe before Glory but feel like I know this friend before me cause we’ve talked, I searched everything I could find on Him to know Him and sought to spend time with Him. I want to see Him and know in me that I KNOW Him, this Man I am betrothed to.

As I sit in the prayer room, I remember why I’m here… “this is why we’re here God, we want to be with you…”

My desire, the reason I get up every morning and come here even when it’s hard is cause I want to be with Him and this place keeps me accountable and surrounded with Him where I can not run away to the distractions of this world and second is, cause I desire everyone in this community (first, then I’ll reach further, the city, the state, our nation) to feel this, want this, and have grace to give themselves to it!

I know the end of the story, I’ll come up from the wilderness leaning on my Beloved…His love is written on my heart, stronger than the grave, nothing can quench it, and there truly is no better love than this… (Songs of Songs)

I pray for grace for all who encounter this moment, this blog and hope for grace that you may draw near to Him for He is faithful and desires to draw near to you… that His word would run swiftly and be glorified in your hearts and lives… may He direct your hearts toward TRUE love and revive you with a holy transformation of light that will ruin you for anything else…

Blessings and Grace!

Run to the House of God…

“Run to the House of God, in His presence, there is Freedom…”

I’m sitting in the prayer room this Monday morning and as usual the weekend has passed, idle hibernation and the week begins again.

I can not express enough how grateful I am that my current job is to come to the House of the Lord and sit before Him as He kneads and fashions my heart to be more like Him; giving me grace to believe everyday who He says I am, walk it out and love Him more.

Just like with any relationship, it takes being intentional with the one you choose to Love. Getting to know them, making the time to put all else aside and sit with them, talk to them, be with them and share your heart with them-then in that, do we fall in love with them more and more each passing day, each  new encounter.

The Lord has already shared His heart and secrets…in the Word! the Bible… and yet with all that, still… “No eye has seen and no ear has heard the things which He (God, Jesus) has for those who Love Him.”

It never ends, getting to know Him…may our hearts burn, yearning to know Him, and in wanting, actually taking action and doing it…Run to the House of God and seek Him, get to know Him!

It’s not a magic pill you take or a phrase you say and thats it…

It’s like those guys you see in movies, sitting in front of the TV, chugging down a beer, belching at the football game and the woman he’s dating just starring at him, hoping. She asks, “You love me?”

The man on the couch not even taking a beat to look over at her replies, “Yea, I love ya” … cricket cricket….

Sure, he keeps trying to tell her and assure her that he loves her but his actions say nothing of the sort. He’s not intentional toward loving her… God the Father loved us SO much that He gave….He gave… Love is a choice!

Choice dignifies Love…Choice proceeds with ACTION… we do it all the time with the newest “crush”. We do it all the time with our spouses, and latest flings… And yet, we are dumbfounded at how to get closer to God and know Him more.

Was your relationship easy? Did it require willing sacrifice that didn’t feel like sacrifice at all? Did you tell your friends, “Not today” so you could be or pursue to be with the one you liked, loved?

If your “crush”, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse gave you a journal that told you SO much about who they are, why they are who they are, the way they are…their secrets and past history… Would you not read it? Eat it up in one night if you could?

Are you seeing the simplistic beauty of loving God? Jesus, the one who’ll love you like NO other will ever?

“It’s better to take refuge in You, so much better to take refuge in You..” Luke Woods prayer room team

My house will be called a House of Prayer … make them joyful in My house of prayer! -Isaiah 56:7

Run to the House of God! Where ever that is-what ever state you’re in, city; find a House of Prayer and run to it! Find it and take refuge in it! The Lord will and is restoring prayer in the believers of Jesus! As we worship (agree with who He is) and pray (agree with what He already said He wants to do) we will become one with Him and in His house of prayer, one with each other and fall more in fascination, in Love with this Man…Jesus is fully MAN and fully GOD! He’s coming back forever as a MAN! This man is our Bridegroom who is fighting for you day and night, He makes intercession for you day and night! (Hebrews 7:25)

Make the decision today. Forget yesterday, what you did, said…forget last years mistakes or negligence. Don’t worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:34) but how can you say “YES” to Him today, right now… Just like in a relationship, it’s you leaving work, or your friends, buying the person you care for their favorite snack, drink, flowers and showing up, surprising them and just telling them you missed them, thought about them, love them… He LOVES the little things! He even writes in His book of remembrance every time we gather together as people and talk about Him…how beautiful and awesome is that! (Malachi 3:16-17)

…well all, going back to song writing… Bless you all

Much L<3Ve and Strawberries ….I love chocolate covered strawberries…just saying…. ::wink::

Only as a Lifestyle can we survive

Things are not okay right now, and they wont be till You come back”

The weekends always seem to be the hardest for me. Idleness is so easy to creep in. Usually I’m so tired by the time the weekend comes that I hibernate all weekend cutting myself off from all communication.

I watch the TV shows, I have seen the movies, I’ve read the empty magazines and lives of those in the limelight and “things are not okay right now.”

Life as we know it right now; things as they are are NOT okay. We’re walking around wounded, desperate, desiring, hungry, empty, searching and we’re looking for these things to get “fixed” with the things this world feeds us, tells us to fill ourselves with.
We’re convinced that the soothing, calming effects of alcohol, a night dancing your stress away and pleasuring your eyes with some eye candy at a club, finding the closest things we could to “love” in an intimate partner we barely know and are not committed to through the covenant of marriage…we’re convinced through media,Movies unrealistic endings of life in 2 hours, the music videos, the artist we are told to look up to cause their lives seems so amazing compared to our mundane everyday, we’re convinced, they are the answer. That’s the pursuit of happiness, again kudos to the unrealistic facade of the “American Dream.”

Now we have angry drunks, woman murdering babies for the cost of their constant sexual empty pleasures, we have pornographers abusing children, little girls and boys, drugs being used to trap the mind of people who are running away from life, we live by the motto that we’re “EVOLVING” and everything should be allowed.

It's alluring, I know! We're so gullable for eye catching attraction!

Yes! all things are allowed…heck we CAN do whatever the heck we want…but where as a society, as a people has that gotten us? What has allowing us to year by year, push the envelope to see how far we can decline as people, as a society, gotten us?  How FAR do you really want this to go cause in 5 more years, like this; men will be able to rape children on the street and people just pass by feeling nothing about it, it not even phasing them. Murder will be a way to get even with someone with no consequence. Education will be pointless and not necessary for the pursuit of pleasure in life.

How far do you really want to take this cause it’s getting there. What wasnt allowed and considered immoral 5 years ago has become more and more increasingly permissible in the eyes of everyone. Why are 14 year olds talking about sex, allowed to watch movies PG13 that due to their context used to be considered rated R 10 years ago?

Things are NOT okay right now and my heart aches for my friends who have in the church been led to live lives just like everyone else does and it’s considered okay. Now they have found no difference with the world and church so have just given up church and God to live “easier” lives in the world.

Church betrayed, hurt them or were just to hypocritical to continue attending and the genius plan of our nemesis is that we say we’re upset with the church, NOT God…but yet, we have turned from Him and everything He stands for. We chose to be the Harlot who says she loves and is married to her Husband but continues to chase other lovers, broken cisterns, satisfaction for their emptiness in life in through the empty traps this world offers and cunningly lies to you about.

We are all weak and the moment we underestimate that, we’re in BIG trouble. Weekend after weekend as I fall into idleness and Monday comes along where I get to go back to the Prayer Room to be purged and soak I have realized…Looking at my friends status on social networks and seeing how happy they think they are because they finally rid themselves of religion and have found momentary satisfactions that seem to be the answer…as I examine the state of the Body of Christ and wonder why are even churches being led by good, God fearing teachers of the Word still falling apart and filled with struggling Christians?

Why is the Prayer Room or Mission movements like YWAM places where MANY (thousands) of young people (avg. 15-30) choosing to live their lives in prayer and worship, fasting and missions for the poor and needy as their sole occupation and ongoing lifestyle in the pursuit of GOD? Whats the difference cause I don’t want to disregard churches…

LIFESTYLE… thats what hit me this morning…LIFESTYLE…It’s cause, it’s not receiving potentially a Great Word on Sunday and then living life as usual the other 5-6 days a week (some go to a youth group or some sort of ministry activity another day in the week)

I’m in the prayer room 5 days a week (almost all day) and then the weekend comes…2 1/2 days of life as “usual” and I get pummeled those 2 days with weakness, idleness… how much more with 5-6 days a week free of anything God related…sure we say we’re seeking Him in our time at home  and I’m no one to judge someones personal relationship with the Lord but this I will say and I say this through experience as well…

If things were truly getting done at home on our own…why is there no change in the church (the people, the Body of Christ)? Why are things declining to even greater immorality even within the Church. Paul prayed for the Church of Ephesus (city) to get anointed by the Spirit and when a church in just one little city was anointed, ALL of Asia encountered the living GOD and was saved!

This nation would NOT be in the state it’s in if everyone in the Body was truly tending to their Husband at home… and we can only go farther TOGETHER than we can ever alone. Ephesians 3:16-19 That we the Body would comprehend with ALL the saints….ALL…what is the width, height, length and depth of His love! Together will we experience and receive the Fullness of GOD!

What is making thousands of young people CHOOSE to live a life of prayer, fasting, missions as a preparation to Jesus’ return? Living a lifestyle in the Lord which will NOT look anything like this world’s concept of living.

I have said much and I’ll leave it at this for now… Much BLESSINGS!

SLOW to speak, Quick to listen…Watch & Pray

There is No goodness in me, apart from You!

I have been very heavy hearted the past few days. I was told He was going to build and mature a certain gift in me in this new season. I placed the thought and word on a “shelf” and planned to leave it there for however long He chose to have it there then reveal, if He chose to reveal it at all to be honest. That’s all we can do when it comes to things we are told by people who love or may love and know the secrets of the Lord’s heart. Since we can never be too sure, we take what was told to us, place it on a shelf and leave it to the Lord to reveal if He pleases. If He really wants you to know, trust me, YOU’LL KNOW!

I feel a million thoughts and ideas of weight bearing in my heart lately. It has seemed different things I encounter, whether a book I’m reading in the Word or a teaching, or a conversation; He is definitely saying something here, (God) and the part I am not sure of is whether what I feel or am perceiving are indeed discerning revelations from the Spirit or just my own opinions. They weigh down so much I normally would want to discuss it and see what other people think but I think He (God) is trying to teach me something here. Funny enough a man of God I admire tweeted something in the midst of this swirl that made me think more into these thoughts and feelings.

“He tells us to be slow to speak & quick to listen. What does that say about Him? Could it be He’s not saying as much as we claim He’s saying?”

James 1:19 “Beloved…let EVERY man be swift (moving fast, speedily) to hear (listen) SLOW to speak, and slow to get angry for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God…”

I’m always the Momma bird, quick to see danger and want to jump in and FIX everything, save everyone. (I’m always thinking I’m suppose to do God’s job for Him…ouch! I know…)

I think He wants to reveal things to me but cant until He teaches my zealous butt to hold in, contemplate what He’s sharing, sit before Him, still letting Him be God. Sitting sit before Him so my brain would STOP talking, rationalizing, and truly LISTEN to what the Spirit is saying which I think I’m realizing the phrase, “The Spirit is ALWAYS speaking” isnt accurate. The Spirit ALWAYS has something to say but doesn’t mean He’s always speaking. He’s being the very example of Wisdom He is asking us to walk in. A wise man speaks few words, a fool speaks many words! (Proverbs)

In my prayer life especially in the Prayer Room, I havent always felt that I needed to always be productive (which is true) but thinking that if I’m not studying, or truly DOING something to further my depth with Him and if I were just sitting there waiting with my eyes closed soaking, I was wasting time I could be using to be in the Word, getting to know Him, stirring myself up to pray!

And me sitting there, soaking, being still and letting Him BE God is not NOT being productive! We always think WE have something to say, better to say. Sometimes we just need to hold our tongue and talk to Him inwardly about things. Love…Watch… and PRAY!

In the prayer room right now and I sing along…

a fellow Forerunner sitting in the Prayer Room comes to me sharing the Word, we pray and he tells me that he feels towards me the Lord saying, “Do Not Worry… whatever you’re fretting on, do not worry…”

Isn’t the Lord beautiful!? And as my best friend blogged earlier, “a conspicuous Genius”

Much L<3Ve and Strawberries