How everything changed in ONE day… it’s true!
Funny enough I have just today even found proof, that all can change in ONE day.
This is my new BLOG! After feeling very stuck with no direction, I felt as though I was reaching my last straw screaming in empty rooms full of people crying out the God, “There must be more than this!”
I have been probably crying that exact phrase out for over 5 years to the Lord. In a matter of ONE day, He threw a new purpose, great long term direction and more my way!
After leaving Kansas City (spent three years at the International House of Prayer over there and returned recently) and returning home, I was beyond thrilled to be with my family again. That was it though, my family; the only thing bringing me and keeping me here. Keeping me here only because I had NO direction, options, opened doors asking me to walk in. I began to create any distraction possible. I attempted to go to school thinking one; it’s what my Mom wanted (beauty school) and two thinking maybe I’m suppose to just work and …honestly, I don’t know what I thought. I need to keep busy and feel as though I was heading towards something!
As school went on, I started developing a fast paced case of carpal tunnel on both hands. That kind a puts a damper on all things beauty school. Even my guitar playing suffered (I had also joined a band). I really started feeling as though everything was falling apart. Even the two things that gave me a sense of any direction were being taken away once again due to one more health issue to add to the already long list.
Last thing I knew to be was Miami having an International House of Prayer of their on in the making. After following the bread crumbs back I sat in that prayer room and in 10 minutes I knew! I cried in His presence that felt like HOME. Love found me a home again and it felt great. Nothing else compared, nothing else mattered and there was nothing else I wanted. My heart came alive again, my mind raced with hungry for Truth and Knowledge again. In my mind I told Him, (Him is Jesus, you know, my Beloved…yea that Him) “this is where I’m suppose to be.”
My logistic mind ran with thoughts about school, money, my Mom’s thoughts of dropping everything and be an Anna (as someone told me once) in the House of the Lord.
Crazy enough (and I wont get into details) EVERYTHING, every detail fell into place, even details that may be considered unfortunate. Timing was genius on His part. Now, here I am. Witnessing before my very eyes Him shining His light and building Himself the House of Prayer in Miami. So this is my journey, this is the Hope of my Calling in Him, and I love that I get to share this with others, especially here, go figure; my old hometown. A place I NEVER intended on ever coming back to and yet, it was still just a portion of His greater plan.
Below will be a Blog post from my personal Blog (www.hopesreadywriter.wordpress.com) This was written a month and a half before the great day event that changed EVERYTHING! I chuckled as I read through it today. I read it cause someone commented about it… It may seem like a lot, but even if you just skim through it, you’ll get the gist of it.
“It’s Saturday afternoon…a gorgeous Saturday afternoon might I add- and it’s I would say a pensive one at that. Have you had those moments where the day is just passing by as if it were a montage scene in a movie where the character is just doing a routine at home; washing clothes, eating breakfast, checking emails, chatting with house residents, ect…
Then you break out of the moment, take a breath and look at your surroundings. The fresh air dances around your sheer curtains, the sky between your slightly opened vertical blinds is a brilliant clear bright blue. The music plays in the background almost encouraging your movie moment. Your desires, hopes, goals seem more urgent, fervent. Things you want to do pile up in this overwhelming clutter in your head. I’m sorry, I’m speaking in code here I know, and if you’re waiting for the detailed point of all this, I apologize ahead because you really aren’t going to get it in a blog, if at all. (only because technically, we’re strangers and it just wouldn’t be appropriate…or sane. You understand right? It’s me AND you. Let us not tell lies here. ::wink and a chuckle:: forgive the melodramatics- they’re kicking in early).
It is just one of those days where life kinda paused for a moment and clarity, reality settled in. Choices we make and the reasons behind them. You try not to hold any feelings of anger towards how things have turned out or must be for now and look at the loved ones you are surrounded by and know they need you, are there for you.
Apart of you still wonders if this box you never seem to get out of will crack open a window or lend a friendly door leading towards forward movement.
Ok, after all the “poetic” babble, here’s plain English…
I want to get the heck out of MIAMI! This place has a way of drowning you. I’ve grown up here most of my life thus far and then got to leave for 3 years to a place more Night than Miami’s Day. It was blissful. I don’t see myself going back to this place cause I was there for as long as I needed to be. As of now I’m in this limbo waiting for what’s next. The thing is, if you asked me, “Well, where do you want to go?” I wouldn’t have an answer for you. I’ve never really been anywhere else to know. I do at least know, I want to stay on the East Coast. Where on the East Coast is a “fabulous” question. I’ve never liked planning. I’ve always been more spontaneous. I’ve never wanted to plan even as far ahead as next weekend.
My philosophy is, “you never know”. You never know when something will come up. When someone will find the thing or place to be that day. Most people don’t really stick to their longer term commitments anyway and sadly, I’m a bit of a brat when it comes to doing something you said was going to be done. For example; If you said, “Hey, next month on the weekend of the (insert date here) we’re going to Orlando” or ” the museum” or whatever, and then that day comes and I’m all excited. Waited, remembered the exact day and time we were leaving, then the day comes and, “Just kidding, we’re not going…sorry…”
Yea, not much of a fan, so I don’t always plan far ahead.
My point was, that I’m waiting for life to surprise me. Take me on a adventure. There is definitely much I want to do, experience and see that the possibilities are endless.
Some of you might be saying, “Well, hey! Stop whining, and get out there! Just do it! Jump in and run around no apologies!”
Here’s the thing. I do know this much. With everything I want to do and see; I don’t want or need Empty Ventures. I dont want or need Empty rooms full of people. I don’t want or need long Empty evenings masking hurt, doubt, confusion, unanswered question, shaky foundations.
When I do get out there and find adventure (if that’s whats in the cards for me) I want to walk away from each and every experience feeling that thing you feel when you turn around facing where you have just been and Sigh with a crooked smile. Knowing inside that you’ll always carry that day, that 5 second moment, that place in that Life collage stored away where only you access and choose to share.”