It’s an interesting concept…keeping momentum. I accidentally ran into this image while brainstorming for this blog and thought instantly; “Yes! Perfect!” I love the large blue sky. I feel as though I can almost breath in the crisp air! I look at this and think it’s slightly cool for some reason; the weather.
Anyway the concept of keeping momentum…it relates to how we walk out, work out the Faith. We get zeal during an event that may stir our insides, emotions and then what? It’s typically spoken about how after a conference or event that touched your spirit and brought a fire in your bones, somehow slowly dwindles as day 2 after the event…day 4…day 5 comes along. What happened? “O yea, that was a cool weekend” then life as usual creeps in again and all the promises and vows and zeal to move forward for some reason, even with our genuine hearts goes away till the next event comes.
As I shared in the previous blog entry, the weekend of the EGW conference for me was a “resign up” of sorts. It was that whole, “Yes! I’m not alone in this! I remember why I’m fighting for this dream in His heart! I cant loose heart! Others are with us and ultimately, He is with us! …ok…I can do this again”
So I embarked on a journey the following week hoping for change. It was interesting cause I never made any set plans on what that would look like but I found myself not watching hours and hours of Television when I came home exhausted from work and put the prayer room or played some Misty Edwards “Relentless” in the background (which I just finally bought!).
What was more interesting was the fight. After such a high, you think, “I got it! Here we go!” But what I found was still my flesh raging even more wanting apathy. Over a week of not giving into my distracted outlets and yet how discouragement wanted to creep in as well as accusation. Then perhaps one of the suckiest (yes, yes it’s not a word, I know) weekends in a long time came along and my pea brain was dumfounded. “But I had such an intentional God-focused week” I thought and wrestled.
How quickly we think we’ve “earned” something. Now accusations and lies were presented by that little shoulder “angel” whose conveniently on your side every time you’re flesh is raging to win.
“See how you gave up your idle time but you had a more difficult time than you’ve had in a long time? You’ve had better weekends, better worship sets when you’ve just done what you’ve done before.” (Now listen to this mother of all conniving lies)
“Perhaps spending your week as you have, with occasional distraction, and leisure gives you better perspective of your depravity and helps your lean better on the Lord” -What a genius lie!
So I actually entertained that thought for a bit and went back to my days as usual. Not making the extra efforts the Holy Spirit had been beckoning for me to make since I’m always singing and telling Him I want to be closer to Him. (Which is really His genius way of moving my heart to make me think it was my genius idea to want more of Him! ::wink:: )
So I confided in my wonderful best friend who lives in another state right now and I told her everything that happened, how I felt, how I bombed ect…blah blah blah.
Apparently, she had been reading lately on David Brainerd and had some nice wise insight of truth to share with me .
TIME OUT: side note: I love how the Lord does that. The people in your inner circle, closest to you; how He directs our lives to be there for one another, when ones up and the others down and how life circumstances mirror momentary circumstances to help the other.
So she says -paraphrasing, “You’re dark and wicked inside honey. So what! You gave up distractions like T.V. for a week. You’ve had years of these lesser pleasures and habits as a part of your life, it’s going to take more than a week after an awesome weekend to detox yourself from it all. What is better? Going back to it all and not going deeper cause you didnt FEEL something or that you gave up some things as an act of obedience to the Lord, whether you feel something later or not?”
At first in my mind and then aloud I said “Of course, yea, I know.” and changed the topic back to the point I was making previously. ::chuckle to myself cause I know He was giving me that loving grin cause I knew better::
Jeremy Johnson at our first EGW said how God looks down at us so affectionately sometimes and says “Aw my little pea brain…” Its so true and that stayed with me.
So the next day funny enough I met with a friend and was giving her advise and what do you think comes popping out of my mouth, the story and the same advise my best friend helped remind and teach me the night before.
I was so quick to think I “earned” something from that week of devotion. I was so quick to get discouraged and listen to the nonsense lies of my enemy and I was quick to forget that yes He calls me “lovely” but I am DARK! (Song of Solomon 1:5) I used to hate this part of a song when I was in my internship in Kansas City house of prayer.
I would raise my hands as my heart was tender until…
“You owe me nothing…(I stayed silent not repeating next line) You owe me nothing but You’ve given me mercy…”
It goes “You owe me nothing, I deserve hell…you owe me nothing but You’ve given me mercy”
That “I deserve hell” part REALLY bothered me. It made me mad in fact. I was saying to myself and the Lord, “I don’t deserve hell! Not anymore, I have You, I’m Yours! This is wrong!”
I didnt understand it at first cause no one ever taught it. The truth about our darkness. John says we love darkness rather than light. (John 3:19) Yes we put away the old man but we are still flesh and wicked minded and weak-this is part of the beauty of His love and sacrifice. We are to be poor in spirit (Matthew 5:3) cause we ARE poor in spirit and will struggle with reflecting His image till the day we’re face to face with Him! I never knew this. I also never read my Bible before. (years in ministry before my life changed after my encounter for 3 years in Kansas City)
1 Corinthians 13-Thats JESUS-Love is a Person!
It’s remembering that it’s about making a choice everyday. To God, with friendships, with my future spouse-every relationship reflects this. Choice dignifies Love (borrowed the phrase) and everyday it’s making a choice, choosing to say Yes, right now this moment. We’re too fickle to say a committed vow once and forever keep it. Everyday, every moment of the day we remember, saying, “I messed up in loving You in the past and I’ll probably mess up again but I wont dwell on that. Right here right now, how can I say Yes to loving You?”
It’s an action, it’s selfless, its a choice. The feeling is a gift and a curse. Our emotions are deceptive, and fleeting. We are flesh. But our spirit is in constant yearning in connection to God. Even if I dont feel it, I choose to love You. In choice and action…
Keeping the Momentum…
It’s a fight! It’s a battleground! It’s fighting our natural resistance to being still. Waiting.
Someone dear to me emailed this today: (here’s a snippet)
Wait on the Lord -Psalm 27:14
“It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures that a Christian soldier cannot learn without years of teaching. Marching and quick-marching are much easier for God’s warriors than standing still. There are hours of perplexity when the most willing spirit, anxiously desiring to serve the Lord, does not know what role to play. Then what shall it do? Vex itself by despair? Retreat back in cowardice, turn to the right hand in fear, or rush forward in presumption? No, simply wait. Wait in prayer, however. Call upon God, and spread the matter before Him; tell Him your difficulty, and plead His promise of help.”
He is so gracious! So what does that look like? Go into your secret place (whatever that looks like) sit down focused and talk to Him. Genuinely talk to Him and then wait…listen…read about Him, then talk some more, then wait some more…
Now here’s the clincher…do this everyday…It’s hard cause we like being entertained. We’re selfish really, just own up to it already. We are! I lived my life for 4 years sitting in the place of prayer-His house and praying (loving on Him in my worship, my words and actions, letting Him delight in me and talking to Him, asking Him things about Him and my friends and family…ect) and I struggle with being still and praying…
This lifetime on earth right now is one big internship as Mike Bickle says. There’s no rush. It’s a marathon not a sprint.
This blog can go on forever so I’ll stop now. So yea…keeping the momentum…Grace to us all with this in Jesus name, amen!