It was interesting…I came into the prayer room after having lunch and being in the office doing some Administrative work. I decided to pace for a bit and clear my head from everything. I usually pace a bit here and there and have my eyes fully closed, but frequently half open so I may see where I’m going; you know, make sure not to bump into that wall, chair, human being…that sort of thing.
I started pacing behind a row of chairs. No ones sitting in them. I graze my hand back and forth the top of the chairs that sit side by side like militant soldiers.
The worship is playing, the atmosphere is becoming more infused for me because I’m letting go every worry, every stress, every thought that isnt just about my God and His faithful beauty and love. I even laugh at a thought I have in silliness cause I know He delights in me and enjoys me.
pace….pace…pace…the palm of my hand cupping gently the tops of the chairs as I use them as my guide with my eyes have opened, half closed, then fully closed.
I begin to think of the blind. I close my eyes tightly and just use my hands to guide my pacing. My right hand cupping the tops of the chairs as they lead me forward, then I can feel the end of the last chair in the row. I grabbed it less gently now as I feel my body wanting to continue by pulling forward but I turn myself around. Now continues my left hand cupping and grazing the chair tops, leading me back and forth, back and forth.
My eyes are tightly closed and I feel the insecurities. I can feel the anticipation of when the end of the row will be. Trying to just pray in the Spirit, I continue but start feeling the doubt in my simple surrounding. I question my walking, my stepping forward, I question whether I will react quick enough to knowing when the end of the row has come. I stretch my arm out a little further, wanting to make sure my hand gets to the end before my body does.
I think of how difficult must it be to be blind. How about to have seen and then at an older age past your 20’s, 30’s loosing your sight. You’re not as trainable as a child. We’re stuck in our ways and systems and now all of that is gone. I began to pray for those who are physically blind…over and over I said to the Lord, “Give sight Lord to the physically blind…give sight to the physically blind…”
Then I felt the Holy Spirit just challenge me with a whispered question, “What if it benefits some of them to be blind. They aren’t tempted with their eye gate as much as one who has sight possibly…they perhaps trust and have greater perspective?”
I felt to stop asking and think about instead, spiritual blindness. “Is this like spiritual blindness Holy Spirit?”
I continued, back and forth, back and forth, eyes tightly shut. Thinking I had a rhythm going and then I miss the last chair in the row and almost topple over but gain back my composure and continue back and forth.
The shadows and light just a hazy sense of it blanketing my shut eye lids…different shades, intensities, brightness, darkness.
Now my back and forth is all I know. But I know the space I’m in, I know this room. I know that at the end of the row to my right there’s a wall going into the kitchen and at the other end is the sound booth. I know my space but would I be confident if I let go of this now familiar row and explore…Explore what I technically have access to due to a year of being in this one room?
I could feel the chairs. I could feel the end of the row. THAT I knew. THAT I was confident in…kind of…If I would let go, there would be nothing else I would be confident in, even though I have been in this room for a year now and could map it out in my head with my eyes closed.
To be blind…
It was an interesting thought as I paced back and forth with my eyes tightly closed this time.
Spiritual Blindness…how it hinders us from living. The doubts, the insecurities, the false perception of things, the lack of knowing our circumstance, surroundings. How we cant even see the joy of Someone smiling back at us. All is assumption…
that’s Food for thought…
Enlighten the eyes of our understanding Holy Spirit, shine the light of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ over our minds and spirits today! Amen, so be it!